What Not To Say To A Pregnant Woman & What To Say Instead
Let’s be honest.
You’re just not that psychic.
So please don’t walk up to a pregnant woman and force upon her your prophetic visions of quintuplet girls!
Even if you think that you’re gifted with divine insight, or a professional psychic, that does not give you permission to offer pregnant women unsolicited advice or opinions.
Have you considered that your psychic gifts may not be accurate without the PERMISSION of the other person to read their energy?
Or you just might be plain wrong.
Or she just might not want to hear your commentary.
Now pregnant women, on the other hand, have been demonstrated to have increased intuitive abilities during pregnancy.
The changes in a pregnant women’s brain, hormones, and brainwaves make it easier to access deeper states of consciousness, and enhances intuitive abilities.
Pregnant women have a great ability to read body language, facial expressions, as well as heightened senses of all kinds from touch, hearing, and smell.
This is a gift that bestows during pregnancy the ability for a woman to tune in to her baby, her body, and know what’s best for her.
A pregnant women may experience vivid or prophetic dreams, and strong intuitive feelings about her baby, birth, or self.
ALWAYS trust pregnant woman when they have a strong feeling, sense, or knowing about their baby or body.
THEY are the experts on their body, their babies, and their births.
So why do so many pregnant women get talked down to and belittled with patronizing comments and advice, and even ARGUED with when they rebuke the unsolicited psychic advice of strangers and friends?
I’m the mother of three children, and with each pregnancy I’ve felt myself become more and more introverted as my belly grew in order to avoid the unwanted declarations of people telling me what’s going on in MY BODY with NO freaking actual idea.
What Not to Say to a Pregnant Woman
#1: You’re having a girl! You’re having a boy!
Unless you’ve been informed by the pregnant woman as to the sex of her child, do not make unsolicited prophecies.
We know you’re guessing and have a 50/50 chance of getting it right–or wrong.
In my last two pregnancies I’ve been inundated with the psychic premonitions that I was having a girl.
99.9% of people who shared their unsolicited advice were WRONG.
All my babies have been boys.
I did not find out the gender of my baby during either of the last two pregnancies because I wanted it to be a surprise at birth, and it really didn’t matter, I was going to love my baby no matter what.
This seemed to people to be an open house to GUESS the gender of my child.
I seriously had SEVERAL people declare that they KNEW ABSOLUTELY I was having a girl, and argue with me when I questioned where they were getting their opinion from.
I myself felt intuitively that I was having a boy. But when I shared this with these people, they insisted I was WRONG, and that THEY knew better than me.
Instead of honoring my feelings, in my last pregnancy I even had two friends repeatedly call my baby “Princess”, despite my strong insistence that I felt it was a boy.
#2: You’re Having Twins!
Declaring that you think someone is having twins based upon just sight is basically saying that they look gigantic.
During my second pregnancy, while shopping at a grocery store, I had a woman spot me and yell across the aisles of produce, “Oh my God, you’re so huge! You’re having twins!”
I responded emphatically that I was NOT, while trying to shrink away, which is not easy when pregnant.
“Oh yes you ARE!” she insisted loudly.
“Oh, NO, I am NOT!” I persisted, only to have her come over to me to elaborate on the size of my belly and how it had to be twins.
First off, this person didn’t even know how far along I was, when I was due, or care to ask ME what I knew for sure.
That may have been over 7 years ago now, but trust me, I remember it clearly, and I remember distinctly how it made me feel.
Not only do pregnant women have enhanced perception and senses, they also have enhanced memory.
Saying words like this to a pregnant woman are things that she will always remember. And you don’t want to be remembered as THAT person.
Plus, if a pregnant woman is in the grocery store, she’s probably really hungry and trying to figure out what she can eat that won’t make her nauseous. Just don’t mess with a hungry pregnant woman. Please.
Also, do not criticize her food choices. In that same grocery store while very pregnant I had a total stranger walk up to me while I was holding a pack of organic pasture-raised butter in my hands to say, “You know that butter is filled with pus and blood.” So are you buddy, so are you.
#3: You Look Hilarious!
Oh goodness, this one is not as common as the first two, but it’s never a good idea unless it’s a costume party and the pregnant woman is dressed up like a gumball machine.
I remember being six months pregnant at a dance party enjoying the live music, dancing with my husband and friends, until this unpleasant comment was directed to me.
While taking a short break from the dance floor, a woman came up to me to tell me that I looked hilarious!
I think I was shocked and didn’t know what to say, but she went on to describe how funny I looked dancing around with my big belly bouncing everywhere and that she just couldn’t stop laughing at me.
No. Just no. No, no, no. Thanks for ruining my night, and making me extremely self-conscious.
#4: I Can Tell You Have Pregnancy Brain
It’s okay for a pregnant women to say that she feels like she has a case of pregnancy brain, but it’s NOT okay for you to tell her that. That’s basically saying she seems stupid to you.
Again, this one really happened to me.
It was just past 7 o’clock in the morning and I had just woken up after trying to sleep pregnant on an air mattress at a camping retreat.
I walked over to the breakfast area where a woman gave me a critical look and said “I can tell you have mommy brain.” No lady, I’m just tired. Not stupid.
Now, pregnancy brain or mommy brain is the state of feeling foggy, confused, scatterbrained, or having trouble remembering things.
During pregnancy a women’s brain changes in many ways and it actually grows many new neural connections.
Memory overall is enhanced during pregnancy and birth, so unwelcome comments like this with strong emotions WILL be remembered, however during the changes less-important things may be forgotten, like what you were wanting to buy at the grocery store.
Not only is perpetuating the idea that mothers have decreased intelligence harmful and wrong, it’s also rude to tell someone that they are acting or look dumber.
I could go on with many more examples of what not to say, such as:
Can I touch your belly?
Your being pregnant makes me feel really uncomfortable.
I would never want to be pregnant!
You look too young/old to be a mom!
But you get the picture.
It’s best just to process your own emotional reactions to people’s pregnancies with non-pregnant people or your therapist.
Just speak positively and supportively to pregnant women, or just wave and walk on.
We won’t mind if you don’t stop for an invasive conversation, we’re too busy trying to find the bathroom to pee for the hundredth time today anyway.
What to Say to a Pregnant Woman
There are lots of things that people would love to hear during the time of pregnancy and new motherhood.
Here’s a few good options:
You look beautiful.
How are you doing?
Is there anything you need?
It’s always best to ask a pregnant women how she feels, and honor her feelings. She knows herself and her baby better than anyone else.
During the times of pregnancy, birth, and motherhood, a women has an enhanced ability to access higher insights, intuition, and spiritual wisdom.
Listening to moms with respect is the best thing you can do to be a positive help and influence in the new mother’s journey.
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